Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
