Porn is love you can see.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
