I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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