I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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