i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
