Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Houston, we have a squirter
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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