I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
