I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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