At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
