I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
