I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
foreskin is a definite game changer
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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