that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
