its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
