I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
