stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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