Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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