I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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