that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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