how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize