I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
