I didn't shave. On purpose
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
