In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
