genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
