If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
