Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
