i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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