I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
