good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
