I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
are you so shy because you have an std?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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