I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
