see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
