glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
