You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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