Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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