absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Randomize
