i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
