when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
