3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
