I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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