Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
