...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
