I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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