My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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