What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
