Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
