i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
