I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
