i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
