im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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