What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
