the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
