I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
