i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
