I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
