Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
