I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
