You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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