Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
