Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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