Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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