Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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