It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
