If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
