i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
