left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
