His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
