I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just invented taco cereal.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
