so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
