I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
