you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
