Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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