Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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