so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
