It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
